Some Thoughts

May…our daughters [be] like corner pillars cut for the structure of a palace… (Psalm 144 [show] Blessed be the LORD, my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle; [2]he is my steadfast love and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield and he in whom I take refuge, who subdues peoples under me. [3]O LORD, what is man that you regard him, or the son of man that you think of him? [4]Man is like a breath; his days are like a passing shadow. [5]Bow your heavens, O LORD, and come down! Touch the mountains so that they smoke! [6]Flash forth the lightning and scatter them; send out your arrows and rout them! [7]Stretch out your hand from on high; rescue me and deliver me from the many waters, from the hand of foreigners, [8]whose mouths speak lies and whose right hand is a right hand of falsehood. [9]I will sing a new song to you, O God; upon a ten-stringed harp I will play to you, [10]who gives victory to kings, who rescues David his servant from the cruel sword. [11]Rescue me and deliver me from the hand of foreigners, whose mouths speak lies and whose right hand is a right hand of falsehood. [12]May our sons in their youth be like plants full grown, our daughters like corner pillars cut for the structure of a palace; [13]may our granaries be full, providing all kinds of produce; may our sheep bring forth thousands and ten thousands in our fields; [14]may our cattle be heavy with young, suffering no mishap or failure in bearing; may there be no cry of distress in our streets! [15]Blessed are the people to whom such blessings fall! Blessed are the people whose God is the LORD!
:12b)

It’s odd. I’ve heard much talk of an “incessant need to cater to male ego.” Yes, we men are fallen. But I think there’s more to it than mere ego. I think, perverted though it may be, there’s a biblical reality behind this “incessant need.” Perhaps men, as the spiritual leaders and “heads” of the church and the home, were designed to receive (perhaps even to need) support and encouragement from their “bodies.” I don’t mean servile flattery, I mean honest, genuine “I trust you, and I believe in you. Lead on; no matter what, I’m with you.”

In fact, I think it’s vital.

Most men–mature ones, at least–sense the innate responsibility to lead, protect, and provide for their family and/or church. It’s not an easy burden to carry, but it’s even more difficult when the support and encouragement we need is replaced with eye-rolling and a condescending, mistrustful, mock-encouragement. Loving headship and respectful submission require each other for the church and family “enterprises” to be healthy, and to succeed.

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her… and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:22-33, ESV [show] [22]Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. [23]For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. [24]Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. [25]Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, [26]that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, [27]so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. [28]In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. [29]For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, [30]because we are members of his body. [31]"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." [32]This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. [33]However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (ESV)

A good friend of mine was recently married, and he once told me “You want to know what’s really amazing? She believes in me. She really believes in me–and it makes me feel like I can really fulfill this calling…I feel like whatever God has for me, I can do it, and I can be for him and for her what I know I’m supposed to be. It’s just amazing…she’s just amazing.” I think the same goes for men and women in a local church, “which is the household of God…a pillar and buttress of truth.” (1 Timothy 3:15 [show] [15]if I delay, you may know how one ought to behave in the household of God, which is the church of the living God, a pillar and buttress of the truth. (ESV)
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I’ve always appreciated the image of godly women as “pillars.” [update: I first heard this analogy from D. Dunphey] Those ancient Greek pillars are both beautiful and strong. They adorn the house with splendor, but they also play a major structural role in keeping the house standing. They need to be strong to support the pediment above them, which protects and gives shelter–or covering–to them. They are beautiful, yes, but they are also strong and they use that strength to give support to their head–rather than to stand alone.*

While I’d be the first to recognize that, on the whole, men have abdicated their roles as the pediment of the ‘house of God,’ could it be that at least part of the problem is that many pillars have “stepped out” from their role of support and submission? Perhaps for good reason, but hear me out–when is encouragement and support most needed? It’s during the trying times that pediments most need pillars, and that pillars are really called upon. (Just read up on Katherine von Bara’s antics with her often depressed and discouraged husband, Martin Luther.) Pediments and pillars compliment each other; individualism just doesn’t work.** A lone pillar is a mere obelisk standing in isolation, with neither protective covering nor the ability to provide shelter, and a pediment without a pillar isn’t much more than a tombstone. They are not interchangeable, but they are both necessary: houses need both in their proper roles just in order to stay standing. And what’s more, without both there is no safe structure within which to raise a family or a church; there is no inside–no three-dimensional space within which the young may find embrace, and the weary, shelter.

If we are to fulfill the cultural mandate, and if we are to “bring in the sons and daughters from afar–all who are called by his name,” and if we are to experience the joys of local church and the family as God has designed them, then we must all accept, embrace, and cultivate our roles as pediments or pillars. Neither role is easy, but this is what our Master has called us to–and we have a charge to keep.

Just a thought.

(Recommended: Chapter 1 of Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood)

*The Roman-style building that may have flashed across your mind’s eye typically has one pediment and many pillars. Rest assured, I’m not advocating polygamy here. No analogy is perfect!
**I’m speaking here in the context of church and marriage; I’m not speaking here against singleness as described in 1 Cor. 7 [show] Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." [2]But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. [3]The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. [4]For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. [5]Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. [6]Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. [7]I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. [8]To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. [9]But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. [10]To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband [11](but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife. [12]To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. [13]If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. [14]For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. [15]But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. [16]For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? [17]Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches. [18]Was anyone at the time of his call already circumcised? Let him not seek to remove the marks of circumcision. Was anyone at the time of his call uncircumcised? Let him not seek circumcision. [19]For neither circumcision counts for anything nor uncircumcision, but keeping the commandments of God. [20]Each one should remain in the condition in which he was called. [21]Were you a slave when called? Do not be concerned about it. (But if you can gain your freedom, avail yourself of the opportunity.) [22]For he who was called in the Lord as a slave is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise he who was free when called is a slave of Christ. [23]You were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men. [24]So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God. [25]Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. [26]I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. [27]Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. [28]But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. [29]This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, [30]and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, [31]and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away. [32]I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. [33]But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, [34]and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. [35]I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. [36]If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry--it is no sin. [37]But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. [38]So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better. [39]A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. [40]Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God. (ESV)
–although I’m not quite sure how 1 Cor. 7:29 [show] [29]This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, (ESV)
fits in with this. Again, no analogy is without its shortcomings.