Some Thoughts

I’ve frequently thought, and often said, that people will rise or fall to meet the expectations we set for them. Those expectations are clearly communicated in our suspicions or in our assuming the best or worst of each other’s underlying character and motives. Since we are called to edify one another (1 Cor 14:26 [show] [26]What then, brothers? When you come together, each one has a hymn, a lesson, a revelation, a tongue, or an interpretation. Let all things be done for building up. (ESV)
), to exhort one another to love and to good works (Heb 10:24 [show] [24]And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, (ESV)
), to outdo one another in showing honor (Rom 12:10 [show] [10]Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. (ESV)
), to use our words to impart grace to our listeners (Eph 4:29 [show] [29]Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. (ESV)
), and most simply to love one another (Matt 22:38-39 [show] [38]This is the great and first commandment. [39]And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. (ESV)
), we might do well to guard our hearts against assuming the worst of people and expecting “less” from them. I would suggest that this might be a form of disobeying the above guidelines for godly relationships – even (at risk of overstating my case) hating them with discouragement, and corrupting them with doubt.

Of course, this presents somewhat of a challenge doesn’t it? We know that people will fail (especially when we’ve witnessed their failures in the past). We’ve understood and embraced the biblical doctrine of “total depravity.” We know that all people – believers or not – are sinners. And we aren’t just sinners because we sin; we sin because we’re sinners. We are sinners from our core. If we deny this, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us (1 John 1:8 [show] [8]If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. (ESV)
). But is the end of the story? Do our expectations start and stop here? I don’t think they should.

For believers, there is (in a sense) another “core” from which our motives and desires and actions flow. Those who have been born again by the Holy Spirit have this new principle of life within them that desires the things which accord with godliness. So which of these “cores” should we fan into flame with our assumptions? Expectations will strengthen one core or the other, and clearly communicate either hope and grace, or doubt and failure. Which should it be? It may be overstating the case a bit, but I think expecting failure and faithlessness from people and presuming sinful motives, is actually a form of slander at best, and hatred at worst. I think this kind of speech qualifies as “corrupting talk” (Eph 4:29 [show] [29]Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. (ESV)
).

Believers are earnestly struggling with and striving against sin. And given that salvation (in a sense) is a “community project” (Heb 3 [show] Therefore, holy brothers, you who share in a heavenly calling, consider Jesus, the apostle and high priest of our confession, [2]who was faithful to him who appointed him, just as Moses also was faithful in all God's house. [3]For Jesus has been counted worthy of more glory than Moses--as much more glory as the builder of a house has more honor than the house itself. [4](For every house is built by someone, but the builder of all things is God.) [5]Now Moses was faithful in all God's house as a servant, to testify to the things that were to be spoken later, [6]but Christ is faithful over God's house as a son. And we are his house if indeed we hold fast our confidence and our boasting in our hope. [7]Therefore, as the Holy Spirit says, "Today, if you hear his voice, [8]do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion, on the day of testing in the wilderness, [9]where your fathers put me to the test and saw my works for forty years. [10]Therefore I was provoked with that generation, and said, 'They always go astray in their heart; they have not known my ways.' [11]As I swore in my wrath, 'They shall not enter my rest.'" [12]Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. [13]But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called "today," that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. [14]For we have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original confidence firm to the end. [15]As it is said, "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion." [16]For who were those who heard and yet rebelled? Was it not all those who left Egypt led by Moses? [17]And with whom was he provoked for forty years? Was it not with those who sinned, whose bodies fell in the wilderness? [18]And to whom did he swear that they would not enter his rest, but to those who were disobedient? [19]So we see that they were unable to enter because of unbelief. (ESV)
), we need each other’s help. And that help comes in the form of humble sharpening, wise encouragement, and loving exhortation. This, I believe, is how we love and honor one another: by expecting they’ll make good decisions, by expecting their faithfulness, by expecting their faith to overcome their weakness. If (God forbid) and when they fail, we ought to express disappointment and a measure of surprise (“but, you’re better than this!”) rather than “well, I figured you’d mess up again – you always do.”

This requires quite a measure of vulnerability on our part. But if we are to edify, encourage, and truly help one another toward a more consistent walk with Jesus, this is our calling. To correct is to love. To sharpen is to honor. To hope all things – good motives, faithfulness, diligence, godly intentions — is to edify and exhort by way of expectations. And when those failures come–and they will come–then also must come the gospel; for “where sin abounds, there grace abounds all the more.” Isn’t that what we need when, after striving against sin, after “desiring the good” in our inward man, we still fall flat on our face? We need to hear, ”Get up, friend. Yes, you stumbled, but this isn’t the real you — I don’t believe that. Not anymore. The real you loves the Lord and wants to please him –  I do believe that, and will uphold you accordingly. I will love you by holding you to a higher standard. I will honor you by not letting you continue in a life without growth in godliness. I love you enough to provoke better character from you. I refuse to hate you with false comfort and low expectations. Now come, up from the slough and on your feet. Time to be who you are. You can do this because He will help you.” Isn’t this what those words mean, “lift the drooping hands, and strengthen the feeble knees” (Isa 35:3 [show] [3]Strengthen the weak hands, and make firm the feeble knees.
; Heb 12:2 [show] [2]looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. (ESV)
)?

So let’s consider one another to stir up unto love and good works. Let’s edify, and no longer condemn, with our expectations. Let’s look on one another with fervent hope. Let’s sharpen one another in love. Let’s no longer imply, “you’re really of low character and this is to be expected of you.” Let’s acknowledge the grace and power of God and fan into flame that new principle of life in our brothers by coming alongside and expecting better things. We are called to “love one another,” to outdo in showing honor. So let’s assume godly character, godly intentions, and expect godly behaviour. After all…”love hopes all things”.